inside out..

my gut is turning inside out.. my inventory of friends at the front line has just ballooned.. the defence department has decided to enter gaza with infantry and this is when the blood bath is likely to start.. i am so worried for them.. i just want them to come home safe.. i want this to be over.. i want palestinians to stop dying.. their blood doesn't wash off my hands at night (whether or not we are responsible for its shedding) and for some reason they don't allow our blood to stick to theirs.. and the world is fine with this.. infact the world has been calling it international law for quite some time..

at work i can really feel it.. people are doing work instead of others who have been drafted.. and no one tells you whats going on - it just happens.. overseas clients are not particularly sensitive to our situation - instead preserving their businesslike hardline tones and not bothering to wish us safety or peace or whatever.. i was even a tiny bit surprised by how stoic some have been..

yesterday during the day and last night there were more sirens and explosions.. the night time ones caught us by surprise half asleep.. we scrambled to the security room where my wife suddenly broke down a bit.. i dont think my daughter believes the booms are balloons either.. its becoming difficult to deny the reality of this messed up situation and my efforts to suspend my belief are beginning to fade..

the street life is gradually continuing to drain into the homes.. and we as a family will drain ourselves a little further north for one night to an area that has had less sirens with the hope of our daughters getting some outdoor time after over a week at home - making use of grandma and grandpas garden and (hopefully without needing to rush to their) security room in the basement.. just a breather.. we have had several conversations about how to react if there is a siren while we're driving on the highway with a toddler and a baby and hope we will not get to test our strategies..

also - id like to note that facebook has gone stupid.. people are posting bullshit videos and sharing misleading photos.. i started out objecting to this inflammatory conduct and soon enough found myself swept up into making one-sided comments and trying to balance the hatred and unfair comments i am reading.. i have also started losing facebook friends - some palestinians and some overseas friends who frankly i don't know why im touch with anyay.. this is a first for me in terms of losing friends over current affairs.. but whatever.. friendships by nature can contain a certain amount of disagreement - if my friends cant allow for this then they inherently fail the definition..

shabbat shalom to all.. may this weekend somehow miraculously deliver peace..