the sleep killer..

its the same every time this happens.. lebanon 2006.. gaza 2009.. gaza 2012 and now.. sleep goes nuts.. cant fall asleep.. mind goes into overdrive.. emotions go nuts.. the blogospheres.. the fb posts.. the sms torrent and the calls..

we're safe.. i'm sure of it.. just as i was last night when my wife went to visit a friend.. and as soon as she left i started having terrible thoughts.. imagination went into overdrive..

as she came through our high tech door two explosions took place and the sky blinked..

she had decided to grab some sushi from the neighbourhood sushi store and darted home as soon as she heard the sirens getting in just as the missiles were intercepted.. this is nothing.. the people that live closer to gaza hear the interceptions of most of the rockets including those intended for telaviv that are stopped by our iron dome systems early.. which makes me feel lousy for any even remote sense of self pity..

we wondered what my wife's grandparents had chosen to do - they live not too far away from the gaza border.. their safe room is in their basement.. but theyre old.. we just assumed that they were sleeping in that room tonight.. often they have to sprint (as much as 80+ year olds can sprint) down in the middle of the night.. and they are just one elderly couple out of hundreds of thousands of couples that live with the constant fear  or rockets that punctuate their lives regularly..

and then theres the people of gaza but I cant stop there my mind goes straight to the kids.. the kids who have quickly adapted as kids do to a disgusting reality of unplanned distress.. although it is so constant they can probably plan it.. its basically all day and all night.. every plane overhead must look like an angel of death and every shriek of a bomb a reason to prepare grieving.. grieving must have long become a very very mundane event even if the excruciating pain that comes with the loss of family only compounds..

i wonder how this works.. both sides know that they have no genuine interest in the conflict.. hamas (currently alienated) might be able to score some points of sympathy in the arab world if the war is brief and lots of people die in gaza but if it is lengthy they will just become weaker and the media is constantly telling us that with their protracted isolation they are currently extremely fallable and could crumble.. israel - ironically - needs hamas to stay.. sure they shoot at us but we can recognise them and spot them.. if they fall apart we may potentially end up with a mini iraq pumped by iran right at our doorstep filling the power vacuum.. and theres no telling what hell thatll bring for us or the region..

so whats different - one night into the escalation and the hamas is already stating its conditions for a ceasefire.. israels are less measurable which is quite typical of us.. we normally don't have clear objectives for fear of then missing them i suppose..

and then my mind goes back to the kids of gaza and the Israeli towns surrounding gaza.. why do they deserve this shit.. why do they deserve to cry this much and fear this much.. what kind of monsters tolerate children's misery..

my daughters are staying home today..

anyway lets infuse the day with some hope..