i used to be a free spirited surfer who lived in telaviv and rode the waves of the sea as well as the waves of violence.. unperturbed.. knowing that everything would subside and the swell would rise again so to speak..
but gaza is going nuts again - firing rockets indiscriminately all over israel and now as a father of two i cant pretend to be so indifferent.. i cant suspend my recognition of how awful this is..
i don't know what to do with my daughters tomorrow.. their kindergarden doesn't have a secure zone (with extra reinforced concrete) as the regulations require.. but that's the short term question..
how do i remain committed as a father to raising my children in a land where their safety comes second to the entrenched hatred.. how do i justify risking the future of their moral compass - not to mention my own - by tacitly supporting / tolerating this reality.. and yet this our home - not something one abandons..
this evening in telaviv we saw several gazan rockets intercepted.. a bit like silent lightening - i noticed a flash through the triple glazed windows.. the explosion was diluted by the white noise from the air conditioning and news broadcasts blaring in the background on my laptop..
last time this went on ~2 years ago i was racing down the stairs with a new born to seek shelter on the landing of the stairwell several floors below.. now we live in a place where we have a secure room in our apartment - our daughters sleep there and there is no need to run to the stairs.. so does that mean that we (as parents) can sleep in our less secure room peacefully? is it sufficient that our daughters are "protected"? are they?
infinite scenarios are ticking through my mind and while its almost midnight - sleep seems like a distant eventuality..
this whole time i wonder.. how did hatred get prioritised so highly..