the haze..

i dont feel like i can deal with the news.. more tunnels.. more attacks.. more dead.. more shot.. more bombed.. more sirens..

this is coinciding with a peak season of work for me (being the end of the financial quarter) and while i am trying to seek refuge in the professional distraction - i must admit that reviewing contracts right now just seems totally irrelevant..

last night we heard explosions but there were no sirens.. was that real?? we fell asleep early from exhaustion and a neighbour woke us up when they called at 1030pm asking what was going in front of our building..

i couldnt quite make it out.. was it a demonstration?? was it a flash mob?? who knew.. we went back to sleep..

waking up in the morning with the fatigue compounding - good morning is quickly superseded by a logistic analysis of how best to transport me to work and my eldest to kindergarden while allowing me to maximise my productivity during these demanding times at work.. we fail and resign ourselves to leaving the girls at home again because if a siren is sounded while my wife is driving with both little ones she will struggle to get them both out of the car and to safety in time.. and if she goes by stroller there are parts of the way where she wont have anywhere to seek to shelter if a siren goes off..

i wonder how those israelis who live near gaza manage on a daily basis to go through this and hw they have done so for years.. and i hate to say it but i can sought of imagine how they would end up hating palestinians..

i cant explain the extent of the brain strain of this situation..

but then again id sooner opt to live the rest of my life this way if it meant that i was safe from the current fate of the miserable people in gaza right now..

i keep telling myself and all those who ask that it will be over soon.. im starting to think that i must seem a little crazy..