night is supposed to enable rest..

relatives of ours from france have come to visit us in israel.. now.. during the war.. they have taken an apartment near us for themselves and their 3 kids and it doesnt have a security room.. the lessor told them that we dont get sirens at night.. he was mostly right.. but not entirely..

they are thinking of moving here.. along with the extended family.. to israel.. even though we are at war.. because as jews in france they have become afraid.. afraid to be known as jews.. with the recent attacks on synagogues and schools france has failed to ensure that its law abiding economy pumping jewish citizens feel that they are as deserving as others to exist without fear.. we heard that the recent rules limiting anti israel protests in paris due to the mania that accompanies them and the blood thirsty frenzy in which jews (not israelis) have been attacked have not been enforced.. or at least not enough.. and we heard how nasty it feels to have to go to synagogues with a police entourage facilitating your way in and out of the doors..

so they are thinking of imminently moving here..

i feel compelled to share this given the vast number of friends of mine who have urged me to leave for my family's personal security.. go see what jewish schools look like in sydney australia with their multi-tiered fences and security staff and cameras.. then go see what a school looks like in israel and tell me where your kid (if they were jewish) would feel less under threat..

in any event - as we gradually started getting used to the threat of rockets - i decided to go back to my pre-war habit of cycling to work.. its so beautiful.. i get to do the whole telaviv coastline and then the whole river and park area.. it is calming and fun and one of the reasons i stopped was because of the absence of places to take cover.. so anyway yesterday was my second day of cycling..

after i got home and the little ones were put to sleep my wife picked up some yummies from our local sushi bar and we sat down for a meal.. just the two of us.. watched some episode of an overseas show and retired to bed early.. windows open to enjoy the breeze/hear the sirens clearly..

at a viciously deep hour of the morning the sirens kicked in and we scrambled into the kids' room trying feverishly to close the door and suffering from poor mid dream coordination just couldnt.. so we huddled.. my wife fought off tears.. she gets emotional.. and i could feel that the floor was unusually warm.. our eldest must have been sleeping on the floor again.. suddenly we felt her small arms wrapping our legs as she sobbed.. she was afraid.. we picked her up and hugged her.. but it didnt help.. she kept on crying for quite a while and even when she'd clam down we repeatedly heard her from our room and had to reattempt to relax her..

going back to kindergarden has been nice for her but it has also clarified her understanding of the sirens to a certain extent and taught her to fear them..

i lay in bed wondering how my mother and grandmother were both coping.. hoping they managed to safely run down the stairs as neither of them have security rooms.. i didnt want to call in case they were already back in bed and asleep..

all night i had war dreams.. sirens.. infiltrations.. snipers shooting at me.. i knew the dreams would appear.. at some stage..

we woke up to reports of another 10 soldiers dead.. again slip streaming into grief mode - scanning for familiar names to determine the extent of the grief.. i hate how my coping mechanism includes attempting to be mechanical about this whole thing..

what a crappy ending for ramadan.. in past years i would be invited by muslim friends to their ritual feast..

living beings shouldnt be treating other living beings this way..

i want to take this opportunity to share a poem by a palestinian.. of course i feel for her and the gazans.. she is very talented.. this conflict has numerous narratives.. all should be heard..